Christmas, although commemorating the birth of Christ, and should be a joyace occasion, has never been anything but another day for me for a very long time. Since I became adult enough to know that Santa does not exist and that it is my parents, family and friends who provide the presents, Christmas has lost all of its appeal. I thought as Billy got older it might be more enjoyable, but no, it is just another day where you get presents that you asked for because no one can think or know what you want. And then afterwards, everyone is off on their hyper little world, enjoying their Christmas break and you are left wondering, why did I go to the bother of making an effort. All that effort to make your family happy and you didn’t get any thanks for it apart from “Nice spread, well done.” What did I want to hear? “hey honey, you did an awesome job, now sit down and spend some time with your parents.” “Honey, I love you, thanks for the awesome day, you spoilt me rotten.”
Treat me how you want to be treated, well now I know. I will drink until I am drunk them abuse the hell out of you and wonder why you don’t want to talk to me or their are tears falling down your face. Does it hurt you too or am I the only one with feelings? You say you love me too, it is an automatic response. I used to give it once, it didn’t mean anything to me. Would it hurt you to say “I love you” first? And actually mean it?
Why does Christmas always seem to be when family tensions come to the head, I think I know why, because someone puts a lot of love and effort into it, and the person they did it for doesn’t seem to really care.
This is the last Christmas I do.