Kerry told me this morning, after I had returned from my walk, that he had had the strangest phone call from Cyree, she told him that Jim and Lester (his brother) had had a fight a couple of days ago, and Jim had died in Hospital overnight.
What a blow. I was stunned. A 31 year old man, that I had known was now dead.
Jim was a honey of a man, he was handsome, but arrogant at the same time. Something about him attracted me, it was definitely the bad boy attitude he had, that and the cool car he had and his aloofness. We met through my Mum, doing the Marine Radio, became firm friends, before moving onto the next level, which fizzled out faster than it began, and to this day I still struggle to understand. I believe it was because he had another woman already in the pipeline, someone more like him. By the time he had made it plain that he wasn’t interested, I had moved on too.
He had me suckered in with every corny word that came out of his mouth, but deep down I knew that he wasn’t sincere. I think he wanted to me, and I wanted him to be, but he wasn’t and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I felt like I was towed along, at the time I was bewildered and confused by his actions, but with hindsight, I see that he just wasn’t that in to me, he was just doing it for some fun. I wish I had the ability to do that too, especially at that time in my life, it was a very low point. I needed a man with stability, someone who could help me, but he was in it for the good time, not a long time. I just wasn’t the woman for him.
When Kerry and I got together, he tried one last desperate bid to either get me back, or to get back at Kerry, I suspect the latter, as I don’t think he really had any feelings for me. To this day, Kerry see’s it as me trying to get back with Jim. The funny thing was, I was busy telling Jim that it was never going to happen, that I was with Kerry now and I was happy, and one day he would find the one that would make him happy too. Oh, he tried, he tried desperately, telling me how sorry he was, apologising for having another lady on the side, but I told him that was in the past. I was happy now.
Did I love him once? I thought perhaps I did, but looking back, he was just a distraction to keep myself from feeling lonely. He never rang me when he was in port, someone else would let me know he was in, and I would turn up.
Him and Kerry stopped talking, over what, I do not know, but I do know that he ended up with the nickname FIGJAM and Superfish, because everyone thought he was a great fisherman. It was only because he would ring around everyone trying to find out what everyone was catching and where.
Jim never really spoke to me after that, not even at Neal’s 50th at Castaways. He spoke with everyone else but ignored me. It was no skin off my nose. I was pregnant at the time and could not drink, I was offended, but not hurt. I had gotten over him a very long time ago. I could not have ever had a friendship with him, he would have tried to destroy Kerry and my relationship, a relationship I have since fought hard to keep.
It was still a stunning blow to hear that he had died, I think it was the manner in which it happened, more than the actual death. He had made it clear that I was no longer in his life, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling sadness at the sudden death.
I love the man I am with, always will, but I will always remember Jim, as the man who hurt me deeply, but brought about my relationship with Kerry.
This whole thing has made me question my own mortality. How quickly could something go wrong and rob Billy of me, or Kerry, or rob me of my parents, of my loving husband or friend. I love them all so dearly, and I want to let them all know that. Life is too short to just let things slide, to let friendships that really matter go and to let triffling arguments get in the way of saying I love you.
